Life is filled with ups and downs, and I often find myself riding these waves. The weight of responsibility is like nothing else. It's such a great deal of weight that rests on my shoulders because I know that I am responsible for the current state of my life.
There's joy in that, an incredible euphoric joy when that responsibility leads to amazing results. But at the same time, there's pain. So much pain inside if I feel like the choices that I made, the ones that no one else made for me, have been the wrong ones.
The weight of full responsibility can feel crushing.
It's so much easier to be driven by a prescriptive manual, to simply follow the laid-out paths and copy others thoughtlessly. What jobs to take, what schools to care about, what new apps to download – all of that can be handed to you if you just play it safe.
But I have to remind myself that the pain and the joy are two sides of the same coin. They come hand in hand.
Sometimes, the self-doubt is crippling, and I wonder if the fundamental way I'm seeing the whole world and my place in it is through broken logic. Or am I on the path to achieving freedom, sovereignty, and being able to provide for a loving family? The uncertainty can make me feel hopeless, like I'm feeling right now.
But I have to remember that I chose this life. And I believe that there's probably no greater regret I would feel than to have not chosen a life where I could choose, where I could make mistakes.
This is the full package. Freedom comes with responsibility; they're inseparable. It's not always easy to carry, but I have to remember that it's what makes my journey, my life, uniquely mine. It's what allows me to grow, to learn, and to experience both the highs and the lows.
And even when it feels tough, I wouldn't have it any other way.