Growing up, like many others, I often found myself caught in the battle between self-confidence and self-esteem. While they may seem similar, I've realized they are fundamentally different concepts that play a crucial role in defining who we are.
Self-confidence for me was always about believing in my abilities and knowing that I can accomplish things. It was more of an external factor, a projection to the world of what I thought I could do. But self-esteem? Now that's something deeper, something internal. It's about how I feel about myself as a human being. It's not about what I can do, but who I am.
I've seen people who are highly successful yet struggle with self-esteem. They've achieved so much, but they still feel hollow, like they're missing something essential. Their validation comes from outside, from likes, praise, and validation of others. I didn't want to fall into that trap.
I realized that to genuinely feel good about myself, I had to start doing things that were difficult or esteemable and not just broadcast them to the world. It's easy to post about achievements on social media, to crave that instant validation from others, but what about self-validation? I realized that's where the real worth lies.
I had to do difficult things and keep them to myself. It was hard at first, not sharing my triumphs with friends and followers, but over time, something remarkable happened. I began to feel a genuine sense of pride and self-respect. The need for external validation diminished. I wasn't looking for praise or likes anymore. I was learning to validate myself, and that brought me closer to who I truly wanted to be.
I found myself talking to myself in a supportive and encouraging way, saying things like, "I'm proud of what I did today," or "I was scared, but I did it anyway." It might have sounded cheesy at first, but it became a mantra that helped me grow stronger in my sense of self.
I also understood that being internally referenced is more attractive to others, whether it be in personal relationships or professional life. People see the authenticity and the genuine happiness that comes from being secure in your own narrative. And that's powerful.
I've come to recognize that being internally referenced is about emancipating oneself from the slavery of external validation. It's about being the master of your own destiny, living a life guided by your own values and beliefs. It's about becoming a person who doesn't allow the judgments of others to dictate how they feel about themselves.
It took effort and persistence, but I'm now in a place where I can genuinely say that I'm happy with who I am. I'm no longer a slave serving infinite masters, swayed by the opinions of others. I am the author of my own narrative, secure in who I am, and doing what I know must be done to maintain and grow that narrative.
To anyone struggling with the same issues, I'd say this: Start by doing something difficult that you can be proud of and keep it to yourself. Learn to talk to yourself positively. Over time, you'll discover that you're not just becoming someone you admire, but someone you love. And that's a journey worth taking.